A New Year, new fixtures, no more calendar year records, but same old Premier League Bingo.
Not minding a terrible amount if you miss the New Year’s Day early kick-off and more feature in Gameweek 22’s edition…
Brighton v Bournemouth not drawing the largest viewership for a televised game this season
The early kick-off on New Year’s Day definitely isn’t the prime time to showcase the Premier League’s cream of the crop, given the average wake up time caused by the late night before. Which is perhaps why the missable Brighton v Bournemouth – miraculously televised for the second time this season – has been selected to fill the slot. The glove fits.
Suddenly realising Chelsea have had a respectable campaign
An intriguing pastime for the sadder among us – yours truly included – is to compare the media’s representation of different teams’ seasons to their positions in the league. Chelsea have experienced an undercover season, seeming they are now in second place, while Manchester United are experiencing a right battering, considering they are only one point behind the champions. So if you’re staying in on New Year’s, have a ball with this game.
“Six-pointer” beginning to increase in usage
This may be the most tightly-contested relegation battle of the decade, with the whole bottom half contained by nine points. There’s no Sunderland, Aston Villa or Derby County clearly more awful than the other 19 sides, and thus each bottom-half battle holds such meaning. You should therefore expect the one-dimensional, coined noun, “six-pointer,” to soar in usage, starting with Brighton v Bournemouth, Stoke v Newcastle and Southampton v Crystal Palace this gameweek.
Stoke v Newcastle being the driest lunch of a game this weekend
Incidentally a big game for the three points’ value, but otherwise as appetising as a ‘Just Ham’ sandwich. Both sides are one result away from being in the relegation zone and are in an identity crisis. Stoke’s slicker style under Mark Hughes has plateaued and what even is Newcastle’s style of play? How do they score goals? Expect passion, guts and tackles, but not much else.
Hoping to laugh at one starter who went out for New Year’s Eve
Two years ago, then Brighton loanee James Wilson donned the blue and white stripes, with the cameras unluckily fixed on him. The ‘three back and sides, not sure on top’ striker, sporting Tim Burton cartoon character eyes and Casper’s skin colour, proceeded to expunge a pink liquid, which he could not even excuse for a glucose-heavy drink. Fingers crossed another player is caught in the act, for our sheer second-long nose exhale.
Manchester City continuing to push the boundaries on subtle advertising
God’s honest truth, Manchester United have an “Official Global Lubricant Oil and Fuel Retail Partner”. They’re not even getting named, for that. But across the A56, United’s neighbours are rivalling them with ludicrous company endorsement. You may have heard your local club’s half time sponsored by the resident horologist, but City are upping their game, and moving on to selling their XI…
