With the air conditioning at full blast and no beer it is hard to believe that Christmas is round the corner. Yet Thursday marked the start of December, kicking off the season of giving and goodwill to all men.
Unless, of course, you happen to be in sand-blown Qatar and your name is Cristiano Ronaldo, who is not helping himself with the big, bearded bloke up at the North Pole.
Football’s most famous all-about-me man is taking even his extraordinary selfishness to new heights in desperation to claim a goal he never scored.
Like the spoiled kid in the big house in the posh streets up the road, he is not satisfied with any amount of presents.
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Not content with five Ballons D’Or, World Player of the Year, Fifa Player of the Year, the Golden Shoe, Golden Boot and two Premier League Player of the Year awards, he still wants more.
The rabid way in which Ronaldo claimed to have scored Portugal’s opening goal against Uruguay marked a new low in self-obsession even by his standards. All because he is determined to outdo one of his country’s most treasured legends, the great Eusebio, with his nine World Cup goals.
The late, great striker is considered one of the best players of all time and his memory is cherished. But Ronaldo just cannot leave it be. And football’s equivalent of Veruca Salt even managed to whine enough that it forced the Portuguese FA to plead the case with Fifa in a thankfully fruitless and embarrassing act of indulgence.
This is the goal Cristiano Ronaldo claimed but which was awarded to Bruno Fernandes... 👀
#BBCFootball #BBCWorldCup
At 37, Ronaldo knows this is his last World Cup. He remains a joy to watch on a pitch and is already guaranteed immortality with countless trophies, medals and also the memories of great goals, death-defying athleticism and God-given skill.
And last summer he was elevated almost to saintly status by removing a bottle of Coca Cola from the desk at a Euro 2020 press conference and telling the world’s children "drink agua".
That was 18 months ago, yet now he is reduced to screaming loudly to make sure we are reminded how brilliant he is.
Following this latest hissy fit and that outburst aimed at his former employers at Old Trafford and the manager, would you still tell your kids to be like Ronny?
A wise old editor of mine once told me "self congratulation is no recommendation" and it applies here in bucket loads. It’s the same with good journalism and writing; if a story is good then it will get noticed. People don’t need to have it rammed down their throats by the author showing off.
The ultimate put-down was delivered by Ronaldo’s team-mate at international level and until recently at Manchester United; Bruno Fernandes.
The midfielder and current Manchester United skipper has been credited with one of the most hotly-debated goals at this tournament with a shot that skimmed within millimetres of Ronaldo’s perfectly manicured eyebrows. Fernandes merely shrugged and muttered that he doesn’t give a hoot who scored, just so long as Portugal won. Fernandes is happy to share his presents around.
Even Adidas, who manufactured the ball used out here in Qatar insist it was not Ronaldo’s goal. There is a 500hz sensor (whatever that may be) neatly tucked inside the hi-tech Al Rihla football to decipher who had the final touch and to slap down jumped-up superstars if required.
Portugal and Ronaldo have lost their case against Fifa but the hangover is that a player once admired round the world is turning in on himself in the dying days of his career.
Michael Jackson reached the top then slowly dissolved into a mess of warped narcissism - or as we say, he disappeared up his own backside. Ronaldo is fast becoming the Jacko of football, and even though Father Christmas is now watching with interest to see how everyone is behaving, there will be no stopping him.
And like the spoiled kid on Christmas Day, it’ll end in tears.
*18+ | BeGambleAware | Odds Subject to Change
