Steve Smith. The best batsman in the world and seemingly impossible to get out from an English point of view. He’s the perfect enemy. Supremely talented, irritatingly brilliant on the pitch and apparently an all-round great guy off it. The Sportsman’s done some digging to try and find the chink in his armour - ball-tampering aside, because we’ve read all that before...
His Mother’s A Pom
Hang on a minute? All this time Smith has been smashing England all over the show when, quite literally, he could’ve been batting for the other team. He held a British passport when playing for Surrey’s second team but had his heart set on representing Australia, the country of his birth.
In his autobiography, The Journey, he wrote: "I had to decide whether I wanted to press on with ambition to play for New South Wales and, ultimately, Australia or throw in my lot with English county side Surrey and pursue the possibility of playing international cricket for England.
"The Surrey club was aware of my status as a British passport holder and so I received a call from Alan Butcher, the former England opening batsman and father of fellow England international Mark Butcher, with the offer of the three-year deal.
"It was a lot of money to potentially throw at an 18-year-old and I'd never conceived of such a large amount in my life.
"If it had been about money then it would have been no contest.”
In some ways, this certainly adds to the rivalry but things could have been so different had he ditched the baggy green all those years ago.
Posts gym pictures on Insta
Don’t you just hate those guys? Yes, Steve, we get that you are one of the finest athletes in the world and your Instagram game is strong but do you really have to post pictures of yourself at the gym?
Honestly, Smith’s Instagram page is pretty decent and he ticks all the boxes you want to see. Dog pics - tick, holiday pics - tick, pics with other famous sports stars - tick. It really is a smorgasbord of delectable content let down by a few gym selfies.
He’s Five-Foot Nine
As Mother Theresa famously (never) said: “Never trust anybody who’s 5 foot 9”. For that, dear reader, is exactly the stature of Steve Smith, a height he shares with the likes of Boris Johnson and Michael Jackson #justsaying. If you think about it, five-foot nine is a strange height to be, you’re not tall, you’re not short - in fact, you’re completely average when it comes to males across the world.
Other five-foot niners of this world include Justin Bieber, Lewis Hamilton and Neymar, along with Simon Cowell, Jose Mourinho and Gary Barlow. That’s right, the worst thing we can find out about Steve Smith is that he’s as tall as that guy from Take That your mum fancies.
Star sign - Gemini
As everybody knows, Gemini is the most forgettable star sign of them all. In fact, Steve Smith could be the key to proving there is nothing behind horoscopes as according to astrology zodiac signs, Gemini’s weaknesses are meant to be ‘nervous, inconsistent and indecisive’ the three things Smith is the opposite of on the cricket pitch.
Having said that, this general statement on Gemini’s does seem to fit the Australian cricketer, loosely: “Gemini's changeable and open mind makes them excellent artists, especially writers and journalists, and their skills and flexibility make them shine in trade, driving and team sports.”
Still would rather be a Capricorn.
A HUGE Roger Federer Lover
Let’s make this clear, we all love Roger Federer. The suave Swiss ace is one of the all-time greats and Smith, like ourselves, is one of his fanboys. But the Australian seems to have taken things to a whole new level, liking almost every one of his Twitter posts and Instagram pictures.
Things reached a peak for the Aussie as he managed to grab a picture with him last year ahead of the Australian Open, which of course was uploaded to Insta, sharpish.
As you can see from this list, frustratingly, Steve Smith is one of those people who just seems to be squeaky clean at every turn, with no skeletons in the closet or splinters in his armour. A brilliant cricketer who bats with paper-thin precision, and often makes the correct call, even when he is being rubbed up the wrong way by the opposition.