With more than a week to settle in and see precisely how this most controversial World Cup is unfolding, there is no shortage of arguing, c**p football and overpriced food to be had.
So it’s just like any other one.
At touchdown last Tuesday way past midnight local time the first person to speak to me is Kenyan taxi driver Joseph Obadia, who could be straight out of the London cabbie playbook. He cannot wait to boast ‘Guess who I had in my cab? It was that Gareth Southgate’.
READ MORE:
-
Wales' World Cup Hopes Left In Tatters After Late Late Show By Iran
-
England's Previous World Cup Misery vs USA Makes For Tough Reading
Turns out Arsenal nut Joseph drove the big-hearted England boss to the draw here in December and was given five match tickets as a thank you.
The warmth of Qatar is not just in Joseph’s cheesy grin because it’s unseasonably hot for November and topping 30 degrees in the day when it should be five less.
So with characteristic FIFA kindness, every journalist not carrying the official brand of water is stopped and ordered to remove all labels before being allowed into the media centre.
By Thursday the impending tournament between the 32 best football countries in the world is an afterthought as a political maelstrom erupts.
Naturally Cristiano Ronaldo demands to be at the centre of it and the big kick off plays second fiddle to the Portuguese diva’s increasingly bitter departure from Manchester United.
It is tradition that the captains of each country front up to the media before their opening games.
So as skipper of the Portuguese, hundreds of story-hungry hacks scrap for a front row seat to grill the world’s highest paid whinger, who has accused his team manager of failing to respect him.
Ronaldo is suddenly quite not so mouthy and passes the honour to Manchester United team mate Bruno Fernandes - for the first time in his life he is happy to duck the spotlight.
****
Downtown Doha is hardly awash with World Cup fever in the run up to Sunday’s kick off. The tube system is pristine and runs to the second but is largely empty.
On the Corniche, a large curve facing the waters of the Persian Gulf, the entertainment is in full swing, to small crowds of largely bemused immigrant workers.
So to get things going FIFA President Gianni Infantino decides to machine gun the entire western World with the most bizarre soliloquy since Kevin Keegan’s memorable ‘I would really love it’ rant live on TV.
Eyebrows are raised when the strange Swiss expat now raking it in while living in Qatar, proudly declares among other things that ‘today, I feel a migrant worker.’
There is no doubt that the pressure surrounding the claims of human rights abuses, homophobia and the fact that this tiny Arab state is too small to house Ronaldo’s ego has got to him.
The squeeze from the world’s free press also takes its toll on the Qatari government. All the stuff about immigrant workers dying and people of the same sex holding hands having ‘damaged minds’ is water off a duck’s back to them.
But when it comes to outrage at charging £12.50 a pint at the games enough is enough. Just two days before the host nation gets the football underway, they slap a beer ban on all grounds.
To be fair, it’s Budweiser so it’s probably doing us all a favour. And England fans, plus hot sun and beer have never mixed well. Even so it’s another chapter in the deteriorating PR image of what should be a massive fun festival of football.
****
Come Monday at least the games are flowing thick and fast unlike the ale.
And Argentina superstar Lionel Messi at least fulfils his duty by attending the pre-match presser ahead of his country’s opening game against minnows Saudi Arabia.
There are feverish South American journalists hanging from the rafters, some audibly gasping as a 5ft 7in man walks into an auditorium and sits down.
Fifteen minutes later he has said nothing of any consequence, stands up and receives a round of applause from the cheerleaders who bring shame on the profession of reporting with their sycophantic ways.
Messi poses for a dozen selfies with fans masquerading as journalists and it’s another new low in the relationship between football and the media.
As Messi stops to pose for photos, the FIFA official tells the capacity crowd that the Saudi press conference will take place in five minutes in this very room.
I was nearly sucked out of the doors by the vacuum as a wave of humanity departed quicker than either Messi or his team-mates would run during their ill-fated match the following day.
The FIFA lady may as well have said: ‘free sex and ale for everyone next door’ - the exodus was that quick.
****
Twenty four hours after witnessing one of the greatest upsets in history with Argentina humbled by the 51st best team in the world, it’s a trip to the fan park down by the Corniche to watch France fight back to beat Australia.
It’s easy to get a beer here - but it’s Budweiser again at £12.50 a pop which makes you hope that the beer ban will be extended everywhere.
Come Thursday it’s a huge comedown at Switzerland v Cameroon. From the high of the raucous Saudis to the steady drumbeat of the Cameroon fans sending you to sleep in the afternoon sun.
It’s a Championship level match at a Championship level ground that is a third empty.
The Wifi isn’t working, neither are the ethernet cables. I get put on the wrong bus by the FIFA volunteers and end up being driven right across Doha to the main media centre when all I want is to go home.
The phrase ‘p**s up in a brewery’ springs to mind but then I realise it would probably be Budweiser anyway so probably best not to complain too much.
*18+ | BeGambleAware
