Sir AP McCoy is the most successful jump jockey in the history of British racing.
But for the first time since he retired, the all-conquering racing legend has opened up on his mental struggles after calling time on his glittering career.
The respect for McCoy and racing is unique, but the Northern Irishman decided to call it quits in 2015 after riding a record 4,358 winners.
It’s unlikely that staggering success will ever be bettered with McCoy having savoured one of the greatest sporting careers. But the 48-year-old has admitted he’s struggled to rediscover the “buzz” and “satisfaction” since getting off the saddle.
“I’m a firm believer a sportsman is the only person who dies twice,” said McCoy.
“It’s like a different life, it’s like someone has taken away everything.
“You know I do 15 days with ITV racing and a few other things for different companies, but does it fulfil me? Does it give me the same [buzz]? Does it heck.
“I’ve always been happy, but I’m just saying will I ever get the urge to get up in the morning and say ‘I can’t wait?’ No.”
McCoy won almost every big race on offer, including the Grand National, Cheltenham Gold Cup, Champion Hurdle, Queen Mother Champion Chase and King George VI Chase.
His achievements saw him scoop the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award in 2010, the first jockey to win the award, and three years later he was named the RTE Sports Person of the Year, once again showing his popularity and appeal.
“There’s nothing like going out on the big stage and needing to perform,” reflected McCoy.
“You could be [Amazon chairman] Jeff Bezos and have everything in the world, but it’s not the same feeling as going out in front of all those people and needing to perform.
“I miss the high and the low of that, I miss the risk. I miss never being satisfied.
“Up until recently I was the biggest loser ever in racing, I’d lost more races in the history of racing than anyone else.
“But thankfully Richard Johnson beat that record, because that’s the one record that I never wanted to have.
“In my own head I was the most insecure person for 20 years. I used to sit in a dark room on a Saturday night, looking out of the window at the stars. I used to think to myself ‘you’re s***’ and I might not ever be good again.
“But even after I’d been crap, I’d get up the following morning and that feeling would be gone. I’d promise myself I was going to be good. Today is going to be good. I’m going to be great.
“I know that I lived the dream, but I don’t know that you can’t always be inwardly satisfied because someone always beats you.
“I’ll be well-pleased if I’m dead in 30 years if someone beats my records. If it’s going to be in 20-30 years time, then I hope I don’t live that long. I hope I’m gone.
“My records are everything to me. I only think about them a little bit, a lot of the time.”
McCoy was knighted in 2016 and still rides for fun, but he remains steadfast that his decision to retire came at the right time.
“In my final year I raced my fastest-ever 50th winner and my fastest-ever 100th winner – and then I had this thought in my head ‘s***, I'm retiring at the end of this year,” admitted McCoy.
“If I can beat it, then someone else can beat it. So I’d taken all the enjoyment out of it [my achievement] before I'd even gone to sleep.
“I knew when I’d won 15 Jockey Championships that I was nearly 36 – and I thought then I’ve got five more years.
“I always thought over 40, no matter how fit I am or how mentally strong I am, that my body is going to be able to handle it.
“I never wanted to get to the point where I thought I wasn’t as good as I was.
“And I thought ‘five more years’ and I’ll retire.
“Am I glad I retired? I’ll never be glad I retired, but I know it was the right thing. 100 percent.
“I really enjoy getting up most mornings and still riding. I am a little bit too old, but it makes you feel young again.
“I’m probably one of the very few people who still loves doing that. There’s something I really miss.
“I do miss getting up in the mornings and the whole environment.
“I miss the routine, the discipline and the structure but, most of all, I miss winning.
“And in a strange kind of way I miss torture and I miss pain.
“I do believe in sport you have to have that mentality and, inwardly, there has to be an egotistical element to every sportsperson to believe that they can do it.”
McCoy joked: “I still think today I can still do it. I’m so stupid I could probably still go and out and do it.
“I think I could get myself in a physical and mentally strong position to compete. I still think ‘I can still beat them [the current riders]’. But that’s in my own head.”
*18+ | BeGambleAware
