When you read the phrase “Official England tournament song”, what comes to mind? Are you humming the Lightning Seeds/Baddiel & Skinner mega-collab, ‘Three Lions’? Perhaps you’re already halfway through a flawless interpretation of John Barnes’ rap from New Order’s iconic ‘World In Motion’. Are you waking up the neighbours with Fat Les’ chest-beating terrace chant, ‘Vindaloo’?
If any of these apply to you, dear reader, then I have some uncomfortable truths. The first is the fact the youngest song there is 24 years old. The second is that ‘Vindaloo’ was not even the official England song for France 98.
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That honour went to ‘(How Does it Feel to Be) On Top of the World?’ by the lazily-named England United. The supergroup, composed of 90s all-stars the Spice Girls, Echo and the Bunnymen and Space, served up a song that literally not a living soul remembers. They would not be the last musicians, some illustrious and some less so, to fail on the international stage. Like England’s own record at tournaments before Big Gareth strapped on his waistcoat, we as a nation have stunk out the joint with official tournament songs for a while.
The national side’s link with the world of popular music began in 1966. While England did not have an official song, the tournament which they hosted was soundtracked by Lonnie Donergan’s ‘World Cup Willie’. Despite sounding like something you’d see your doctor about after a wild night at BoxPark, the tune was a smash hit.
Perhaps to save on having to pay someone else to do it, the England squad themselves released the first spate of official team tunes. ‘Back Home’ was the first, and most enduring, back in 1970. But after two decades of the vocal stylings of Jeff Astle and Gary Lineker, it was decided our brave Three Lions needed some help.
Enter: New Order. Three-quarters of Joy Division created the iconic and enduring ‘World In Motion’ joined by the only man who could pick up where the raw, introspective lyricism of Ian Curtis left off, John Barnes. It was a huge success, so ubiquitous that bassist Peter Hook refused to speak to us about it for this piece because, as his agent put it, “it’s been done to death”.
Getting actual bands, rather than Terry Butcher and Chris Waddle, to do songs caught on to such a degree that the England team were entirely absent from the next official effort. Instead, Britpop supergroup The Lightning Seeds teamed up with David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, a pair of comedians who hosted the wildly successful Fantasy Football.
It cannot be overemphasised how pivotal ‘Three Lions’ was to not only the experience of Euro 96, but football in England as a whole. The unavoidable soundtrack to the first tournament hosted in the country since 1966, it’s self-deprecating war-cry of “It’s coming home” would outlive its original setting. The song got another runout, as ‘3 Lions 98, at the following World Cup. It has since been rerecorded in 2010 and 2022, the latter for the Lionesses European Championship triumph.
It is beneath this monolith that future official England songs have suffered. France 98 saw the allied powers of The Lightning Seeds and Fat Les’ aforementioned ‘Vindaloo’ wipe out the cultural footprint of England United’s official effort. Fat Les’ success did earn a fully-sanctioned effort two years later, but their version of ‘Jerusalem’ failed to recapture the shoutalong simplicity of their curry-themed anthem.
Another axis of television presenters, Ant & Dec, did give the idea of the official England song a temporary reprieve for World Cup 2002. The artists formerly known as PJ & Duncan called upon the post-Tupac rap stylings that made “Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble” a cultural landmark to give us the iconic “Gerrard to Beckham, Beckham to Heskey…” refrain. But things would never be this good again.
Euro 2004’s “All Together Now”, The Farms’ updated 1990 banger, can still be heard mid-set on the Wembley PA an hour before kick-off. But, despite reaching number three in the charts, most of us couldn’t hum Embrace’s 2006 clanger ‘World At Your Feet’ at gunpoint.
James Corden’s 2010 team-up with Dizzee Rascal arrived during better times for the star. While he is now an international pariah, twelve years ago he was simply a national one. Riding the last waves of his ‘Smithy’ image, before he discovered fake tan and being rude to waiters, ‘Shout (Shout For England Song)’ is only memorable for the pointless parentheses of its title.
‘Sport Relief’s Greatest Day’ went the Peter Kay’s ‘Amarillo’ route of throwing celebrities at something until someone watches it. The Spice Girls made it two out of two forgotten England efforts, with Gary Barlow, Katy B, Michael Owen and Eliza Doolittle on hand to make the whole thing feel like the hold music they play when you try and ring Satan.
We didn’t bother with an official song for the World Cup 2018. England reached the semi final, which perhaps tells you it’s time to nip the whole exercise in the bud. Instead, ‘Three Lions’ was revived on the terraces. It wound up the rest of the world something chronic, with Twitter’s most boring people not understanding that “It’s coming home” was always meant as an ironic statement.
Euro 2020’s oh-so-modern effort tried to capitalise on the popularity of UK grime, with Krept & Konan’s ‘Ole (We Are England ‘21)’. But this is a country whose two best football songs were made by a pair of comedians and John Barnes. Thus, the appropriately cheesy Atomic Kitten enjoyed a huge resurgence thanks to fans adapting their 2001 hit ‘Whole Again’ to feature the lyrics “Southgate you’re the one…”. The girls got on board, rereleasing the tune with new Gareth’ed-up lyrics.
Which leaves us in the musical wasteland of 2022. Perhaps it’s appropriate that a World Cup which doesn’t quite feel like a World Cup doesn’t have the customary official tune. There’s plenty of unofficial efforts. Frank and David are polishing up ‘Three Lions’ with modern lyrics, while the Wealdstone Raider has climbed out of 2013 to release a charity single. But like the tournament itself, it all feels a bit hollow. The country used to stop and listen to our biannual England banger. But, while the team has improved, the music has declined. There’s only one thing for it. With all due apologies to Peter Hook, it’s time to “hold and give, but do it at the right time. You can be slow or fast but you must get to the line.”
*18+ | BeGambleAware | Odds Subject To Change
