Harry Kane is once again at the centre of a storm of transfer speculation. Bayern Munich have returned with a second bid for England’s record goalscorer, who turns 30 at the end of the month and has just one year left on his current contract. But what should one of the Premier League’s greatest ever players do as he reaches the latter stages of his career? We’ve played out the two hypothetical scenarios below to try to find out the correct answer.
Scenario One: Kane signs new Spurs contract
KANE STAYS - The Tottenham Hotspur official account is jubilant in announcing that their record goalscorer has signed a new four-year deal, and Spurs fans take to the streets to celebrate. Negotiated by his brother and agent Charlie, it actually turns out that Kane has agreed to stay at Spurs for half his current wage as long as his family gets unlimited use of those magnetic plastic cups that refill from the bottom.
The rest of the country sighs as Kane writes off any chance of winning the Premier League in his career, and Ange Postecoglou quickly deletes the email he had written, asking Georgios Samaras to come out of retirement to lead the line for his new side. Meanwhile, somewhere in Newcastle, Alan Shearer slowly weeps, knowing his Premier League record of 260 goals will be beaten.
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Kane does break the record, and goes on to score 300 Premier League goals as Spurs bounce between third and sixth in the Premier League under Postecoglou. But Kane is still not satisfied, and grows increasingly frustrated at the lack of silverware, as Spurs consistently fall short in the cup competitions. Having lost three Golden Boots in a row to Erling Haaland, he begins to leak stories to the tabloids about the Norwegian, in order to force Manchester City to sell him to Real Madrid.
It works. Haaland leaves under a grey cloud after he ‘reportedly’ said he’d rather live in Birmingham than sit through another Pep Guardiola teamtalk. Kane is left as the standout striker in the league and Tottenham finally start to perform. In 2026, they reach the FA Cup final, where they face north London rivals Arsenal. In the most anticipated final in years, Spurs finally win a trophy as Kane scores twice, to lift the hoodoo that has haunted his entire career.
Despite his loyalty to Spurs, international football has always been Kane’s priority. After another semi-final loss at Euro 2024, Gareth Southgate departs to be replaced by U21 manager Lee Carsley. After the success of the FA Cup, England travel to north America and with the greatest squad in world football, win the World Cup for the second time.
After a wild team night out in Las Vegas, Carsley gets a tattoo of Kane lifting the trophy on his backside, Jack Grealish goes missing for two weeks and Jude Bellingham gets married by an Elvis impersonator. On the return to the UK, the top scorer is knighted, just as Sir Bobby Charlton was all those years ago. Kane is heralded as a national treasure, and the Premier League’s greatest ever striker. He never leaves Tottenham, and plays until he is almost 40.
Scenario Two: Kane joins Bayern Munich
WILLKOMMEN KANE - In one of the biggest transfers of the summer window, Kane leaves Tottenham for £80m to join Bayern Munich. In a throwback to Paolo Di Canio and Benito Carbone, his signing picture features him wearing lederhosen and eating bratwurst. You can see in his eyes at that moment, Kane knows he has made a terrible mistake.
A long way from London, Kane still scores goals, lots of them, but hitting five past Bochum quickly wears thin. His first season is a rampant success, as he breaks Lewandowski’s record of 41 goals in a single season as Bayern win another Bundesliga title. However, they fall short in the Champions League - the trophy Kane truly wants to win.
Two more seasons, two more league titles and a glut of goals follows, but he never gets his hands on the European Cup. It gets worse for Kane too. In the latter stages of the 2025-26 season, he ruptures his hamstring, ruling him out of the World Cup. Led by 34-year-old Callum Wilson, England still go on to win the entire thing and the captain misses out on his career highlight.
By the end of year three, Kane and his family have had enough of life in Germany and want to return to London - so the 33-year-old makes his intentions clear and Bayern agree to sell. Unfortunately for Kane, Tottenham have fallen off in his absence and are now languishing in mid-table. Worse still, they used the £80m fee on a whole host of average players, just as they did with the Gareth Bale funds in 2013.
That means they can’t afford to bring him back, and there are only two realistic clubs he can move to in the capital. Todd Boehly’s reign of terror has continued at Chelsea, but they’ve now broken every FFP rule in the book. They’ve got a squad full of bang average players contracted until 2035 and all they can offer Kane is a packet of Revels to join.
That means Arsenal, who are the reigning Premier League champions under Mikel Arteta, swoop in to make Kane their statement signing. This is Sol Campbell, mark two, but a whole lot worse. Tottenham’s greatest ever goalscorer is pictured in the red of Arsenal again, and he takes the Gunners to new heights.
Kane finally gets his hands on the Premier League title after winning the Golden Boot, but ends his career with 259 goals in England’s top flight, one short of Shearer’s record. A missed penalty on the final day at Ipswich Town haunts his dreams forever. A bald Geordie is pictured embracing Ed Sheeran at Portman Road following the penalty miss.
Kane never wins anything for his country, and is regarded as the biggest turncoat in the sport's history - but he’s a Premier League winner. Now how much is that truly worth?
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