It wasn’t a good week for those boys in green and England didn’t score, but who cares? The Premier League is back and ready to rid you of any lingering patriotic blues.
This week’s Premier League Bingo features the predictability of pre-match commentary and the strange obsession Britain’s prestigious media outlets have with giving you the tools to do your own World Cup draw. Anyhow, eyes down…
Christian Eriksen’s midweek hat-trick being mentioned 30 seconds before kick-off by every broadcaster
Ireland succumbed to a damming 5-1 defeat to knock them out of World Cup qualifying in the week, in large part due to Mr Whippy himself notching three spectacular goals. Ahead of the North London Derby, which has assumed a hippy initialism in recent years as NLD, expect broadcasters from Match of the Day to NBC to focus the camera on him prior to the whistle, explaining how “he’ll be hoping to do it again this afternoon”.
Moyesy losing his first game in charge
David Gold + David Sullivan = David Moyes. It really was a bizarre move from David² to appoint the fallen namesake. The pair was apparently surprised at the response Moyesy’s appointment triggered, which is bizarre considering that Gold does have Twitter, though he signs off most tweets with “dg”, which reeks of naivety. Anyhow, Moyes’ll probably lose on Sunday.
People wondering whether Lord Sugar and Piers Morgan are secretly great friends
Ahead of the NLD, Sky Sports thought it had been so long since they produced an interesting ‘Gloves are Off’ with boxers, that instead they’d get in Lord Sugar and Piers Morgan, supporters of Spurs and Arsenal, respectively. The pair exchanged some wonderful Christmas cracker-esque gags, Sugar’s: “Arsenal are a very respectful club, because at every home game there’s a 90-minute silence” perhaps the pick of the bunch, and were peculiarly complimentary of each other at the end. Question marks, and all that.
Countless fans partaking in the meaningless exercise of ‘Creating your own draw for Russia 2018’
When World Cup fever looms, it’s great fun for nerds snatching the two-page pull-out from the paper, grabbing some Blu Tack (which is, incredibly, a brand; the Vaseline of pressure-sensitive adhesive putty) and sticking it on your wall, eager to fill in each result from the group stage to the final. However, there has been an emergence this week of being able to do your own World Cup group stage draw, which is literally a waste of time. I mean, if you want to have a go, here’s a link.
“Must-win” being used the most it has been so far
With a third of the season almost complete, the league table is beginning to take noteworthy shape. We’re not quite in “six-pointer” territory yet, but here’s a list of teams in bold, who are facing the proposition of a “must-win” game this weekend: Crystal Palace v Everton, Bournemouth v Huddersfield, Burnley v Swansea, Watford v West Ham.
Erik Pieters getting a rollicking from his teammates for starring in ‘Real Housewives of Cheshire’
It’s just something nobody wants to see. Over the international break, a ‘Real Housewives of Cheshire’ episode aired which contained Stoke full-back Erik Pieters and his wife throwing a glass of bubbly over another of Cheshire’s finest. You’d hope that if the Stoke roster has any self-respect, Pieters will be in for a right ribbing now the squad’s back from international duty.
#RHOCheshire tonight 10pm @ITVBe
@OfficialRHOCH @DohnalovaEster
